Alternative to punish kids for bad behavior

Instead of defaulting to punishment, combine firm boundaries with empathy and reflection, and help children build the skills to make different choices next time. 1

• 1. Focus on the root of behavior: Treat misbehavior as a possible sign of an unmet need, strong feeling, or undeveloped skill. Help your child reflect on what was going on and what could help them respond differently in the future. 2 3
• 2. Frame rewards as teamwork and problem-solving: Rather than bribing a child, assume good intent, explain how their contribution helps the family, and ask what might help them remember or solve the problem. 4
• 3. Communicate with co-parents: When approaches differ, first help your child make sense of their experience; then, where appropriate, speak with the co-parent about ways to get more aligned. 5
• 4. Use “maybe” or other reward cues carefully: The discussion notes that when a child comes to expect a reward and it does not arrive, they may feel worse than if no reward had been offered. 6