Can anger be helpful?

Anger can indeed be helpful if it is at a lower intensity. According to Dr. Paul Conti, lower levels of anger can serve as a guide for behavior and inform actions, such as making something right or casting a vote. However, high levels of anger bring volatility and confusion, rendering a person ineffective. Thus, it is crucial to manage anger and aim to maintain low levels of it in day-to-day life. Dr. Conti suggests that making oneself healthier can decrease anger, enhancing control over it and keeping it at low to moderate levels, with low levels being the ideal 1.

Andrew Huberman also discusses the adaptiveness of aggression, a related concept to anger, in certain contexts. He mentions that there are cases where aggression can serve a protective or adaptive function, such as maternal aggression when a mother's children are threatened. However, context is crucial, and understanding the biology and psychology of aggression helps to recognize how emotional states develop in oneself and others. Still, aggression should not be confused with sadness or irritability, as they arise from distinct brain circuits 2.

Managing anger effectively involves both short-term strategies and longer-term self-care practices. Here's a summary of key points made by Paul Conti and Andrew Huberman:

• Self-Care: Taking better care of oneself can lead to less arousal of anger. This involves engaging the generative drive positively, such as involving oneself in pleasurable activities and having more positive experiences in life, which in turn can cause the mechanisms that arouse anger to arouse less of it 1.

• Understanding Affect: Recognize that affect (like anger) is involuntary, but you can influence your reaction to it over time through how you live your life and by cultivating positive experiences 1.

• Feeling and Emotion: Anger progresses from affect to feeling (personal interpretation of the affect) and then to emotion (when we relate the affect and feeling to the world around us). Managing anger involves addressing it at these various levels 2.

• Avoid Wasting Time: Dr. Huberman points out the importance of directing efforts towards productive and positive actions, rather than letting anger serve as a distraction and waste valuable time 3.

  Understanding and Managing Anger

  Andrew Huberman

  Paul Conti

  Gain insights into the nature of anger and how to work with it in a way that promotes self-care. Discover the difference between affect and feeling, and learn how taking care of ourselves can reduce the intensity of anger.

  

  Huberman Lab

  Dr. Paul Conti: Tools and Protocols for Mental Health | Huberman Lab Guest Series

  Explore similar conversationsView full episode summary

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• Supporting One Another: It is healthy to support each other when angry, but it's important not to become consumed by it or let it spiral out of control 3.

• Handling Stress: More formally, developing emotional resilience involves being comfortable with stress and adrenaline, which requires good self-care and habits, such as regular exercise and good sleep routines. This helps to avoid reaching a point of anger easily 4.

• Physiological Tools: In real-time, tools like physiological sighs (deep, double-inhales followed by a longer exhale) can help reduce stress and prevent an escalating angry response 4.

Combining these strategies can aid in controlling anger, and with practice, these approaches can help promote positive, prosocial behaviors while limiting the negative impact of anger.

When dealing with a child who is having a tantrum, Dr. Becky Kennedy advises parents to focus on building the child’s emotional skills for managing disappointment. This involves both how we react in the moment and what we do outside of these stressful moments. In the moment, doing nothing at first can be appropriate because responding to rudeness or tantrums can escalate the situation. Instead, demonstrating calmness and not immediately reacting can set a behavior model for the child to observe and follow.

Furthermore, outside of these moments, it's crucial for parents to create opportunities for their child to practice emotional regulation skills, much like an athlete practices their sport. This practice can help children learn how to express and manage disappointment in more mature ways over time. Also, reinforcing positive behaviors and guiding them through managing their reactions to disappointment will better prepare them for the next time a triggering situation occurs 1.

Dr. Kennedy advises against responding by telling the child about what they "should" do or not do, as this can reinforce the negative behavior instead of guiding them towards the desired outcome. Instead, acknowledging their feelings and working on skill-building for future situations can be much more effective.

Common triggers for tantrums in children can be linked to internal states influenced by various physiological and emotional factors. Andrew Huberman mentions that heightened cortisol levels make individuals more reactive and aggressive due to increased autonomic nervous system activity. This implies for a young child, conditions that elevate cortisol, such as fatigue, hunger, or overstimulation, can be common triggers for tantrums 1.

To help avoid tantrums, it can be beneficial to minimize situations that might cause stress or discomfort for the child. For example, maintaining regular sleep schedules, ensuring the child is well-fed with a balanced diet that may include tryptophan-rich foods (which can modulate serotonin levels), and avoiding overstimulation can be helpful strategies. Small adjustments, like using dimmer, warmer lighting if a child is sensitive to bright lights, may help prevent overstimulation that could trigger a tantrum 2.

Moreover, a child's response to stress is also influenced by the primary caregiver's response to stress. This makes it important for caregivers to manage their own stress and model calm behavior during potentially triggering situations. If caregivers handle stress well, children are less likely to mirror stress and anxiety, reducing the likelihood of tantrums 3.

These insights do not provide an exhaustive list of triggers nor a guarantee for avoiding tantrums, but they offer a framework to understand potential causes and strategies for prevention.

To further assist in preventing tantrums and managing children's emotional reactions, here are more parenting tips as discussed on the Huberman Lab:

1. Practice Assertive Communication: Parents should practice firm and assertive communication by rehearsing and believing in what they say to their children. For instance, when setting a boundary, like whose turn it is to pick a movie, it is crucial to communicate this to the child with confidence and calmness, even if it means bringing them into a quieter space to help contain their reaction 1.

2. Prepare for Disappointment: Teach children to manage disappointment by modeling and expecting age-appropriate reactions. Instead of punishment for expressions of disappointment, guide them towards expressing their feelings appropriately, like saying "I was really looking forward to that" instead of outbursts like "I hate you." This teaches them emotional maturity and regulation 2.

3. Embrace Emotional Flexibility: Encourage flexibility in how emotions are managed—sometimes using words to express feelings is appropriate; other times, physical activity or other outlets may be more effective. It's important to consider the individual and their goals in the situation, rather than strictly adhering to one approach, such as insisting children "use their words" to the exclusion of other forms of expression 3.

   Parenting with Empathy

   Dr. Becky Kennedy

   Dr. Becky emphasizes the importance of acknowledging children's feelings and setting boundaries with empathy. She encourages parents to validate emotions and provide a safe space for children to express themselves, promoting emotional regulation and security in the family dynamic.

   

   Huberman Lab

   Dr. Becky Kennedy Protocols for Excellent Parenting & Improving Relationships of All Kinds

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These strategies involve acknowledging the child's emotions, communicating expectations clearly, and helping the child build emotional regulation skills. It is also important to remember that these tips serve as guidelines and that each situation and child may require a unique approach.