#33: Sleep and Sex – Part 1

Survey Results

Survey results reveal that a significant number of couples are opting for 'sleep divorce,' where they sleep in separate rooms to improve sleep quality. Matthew Walker cites surveys from the Sleep Council in England and the National Sleep Foundation in America, showing that 25% of couples admit to sleeping apart, with anonymous surveys suggesting the number could be as high as 40% 1. This trend is often kept secret due to societal stigma and misconceptions about its impact on intimacy.

Part of the shame or the public worry of admitting to other people that you've gone through a sleep divorce is the incorrect assumption that if you're not sleeping together, then you're not sleeping together.

--- Matthew Walker

Walker emphasizes that 'sleep divorce' isn't a one-size-fits-all solution and that many couples still prefer co-sleeping for various reasons 1.

   

Stigma

The term 'sleep divorce' carries negative connotations, leading to misconceptions about its impact on relationships. Matthew Walker discusses how societal pressures and the fear of judgment often prevent couples from admitting they sleep separately 2. He mentions Dr. Wendy Troxel's suggestion to reframe it as a 'new sleep alliance' to reduce stigma.

It's probably better to call it a new sleep alliance in your relationship rather than a sleep divorce because of the negative connotation.

--- Matthew Walker

Despite the stigma, research shows that couples often sleep better alone, although they may report higher satisfaction when sharing a bed, possibly due to societal expectations 2.

   

Expert Opinions

Experts like Dr. Wendy Troxel provide valuable insights into the concept of 'sleep divorce' and its benefits. Matthew Walker highlights that while co-sleeping can offer comfort and security, it often leads to poorer sleep quality due to disturbances from a partner's movements 2. He suggests that couples should have honest conversations about their sleep needs and consider trial periods for new sleep arrangements.

When one person in a couple moves in his or her sleep, there is a 50% chance that their partner will get woken up or will suffer worse sleep as a consequence.

--- Matthew Walker

Walker also advises maintaining the emotional connection by saying goodnight and good morning, even if sleeping apart 2.