Part 7: Monica & Jess Love Goblins with Esther Perel

Love vs Desire

Esther Perel explores the intricate relationship between love and desire, highlighting their distinct yet interconnected nature. She explains that while love often involves care and responsibility, desire thrives in freedom and autonomy. Perel emphasizes that desire is fueled by mystery and absence, contrasting with the nurturing aspects of love 1. She notes, "Desire needs to live in a space that is a lot more free and unselfconscious and free from the burdens of caretaking."

Desire needs to live in a space that is a lot more free and unselfconscious and free from the burdens of caretaking.

--- Esther Perel

This distinction is crucial for understanding how these emotions can coexist and sometimes conflict within relationships 2 3.

   

Maintaining Desire

Maintaining desire in long-term relationships requires intentional effort and a shift in perspective. Esther Perel suggests that seeing a partner in their element, doing what they love, can reignite attraction and admiration 4. She shares an exercise to rekindle desire, asking individuals to reflect on when they feel most drawn to their partner. This often involves moments of admiration, humor, and feeling grounded by their partner's touch 5.

I'm drawn to my partner when I admire them, when they do something that I can't do, when they touch me, when I feel seen by them, when they ground me, when they make me laugh.

--- Esther Perel

Desire, she argues, is not static but needs to be continuously nurtured and cultivated 6.

   

Intimacy Challenges

Intimacy challenges often stem from misunderstandings about the integration of love, desire, and sexuality. Esther Perel clarifies that fear of intimacy is not the issue; rather, it's the challenge of merging sensuality with closeness 7. She emphasizes the importance of redefining confidence as accepting one's flaws while maintaining self-respect 8.

Confidence is not that you're perfect and that you're irresistible and that you are flawless. Confidence is... our ability to see ourselves as flawed individuals and still hold yourself in high regard.

--- Esther Perel

By addressing these challenges, individuals can foster thriving relationships and a healthy sense of self 9.