LOVE EXPERTS Reveal What It Takes To Find & Keep REAL LOVE | John & Julie Gottman

Love as Action

Julie Schwartz Gottman emphasizes that love transcends mere feelings, manifesting through actions that honor and connect with one's partner. She explains that love is about making choices that prioritize the partner, such as offering a compliment or a hug instead of material gestures like working extra hours for more money 1. Mark Hyman adds that these small acts, like physical touch or paying attention, keep love alive and current 1. Julie illustrates this with an example of her husband, John Gottman, taking over chores when she's exhausted, highlighting that such acts of kindness are profound expressions of love 2.

There are a million, billion ways of showing love, from words to actions, to affection, touch, little gifts, just acts of kindness that are so important.

--- Julie Schwartz Gottman

These actions, she notes, are essential for maintaining a meaningful connection in long-term relationships.

   

Building Love Maps

Creating emotional maps, or "love maps," is crucial for understanding partners deeply, according to John Gottman. He explains that these maps involve knowing a partner's inner world, including their stresses, joys, and thoughts, which enhances relationship depth 3. Julie Schwartz Gottman adds that curiosity and open-ended questions are key to maintaining these maps, as they allow partners to stay updated on each other's evolving lives 4. Mark Hyman reflects on how asking profound questions makes partners feel seen and loved, emphasizing the importance of staying curious about each other 4.

Staying curious about who your partner is and how your partner is changing is very powerful in a relationship.

--- John Gottman

This practice, they suggest, prevents relationships from stagnating and keeps the connection vibrant.

   

Turning Towards Connection

Turning towards a partner's bids for connection is a fundamental practice for sustaining successful relationships, according to Julie Schwartz Gottman. She explains that responding positively to a partner's attempts to connect, even in small ways, significantly impacts relationship success 5. John Gottman highlights that couples who frequently turn towards each other maintain a healthier emotional "bank account," which helps them handle conflicts with humor and reduced stress 6. Mark Hyman notes that these micro-moments of connection are simple yet powerful tools for enriching relationships 6.

The couples who were successful six years down the road turned towards each other 86% of the time.

--- Julie Schwartz Gottman

This practice, they argue, is a cornerstone of emotional intimacy and resilience in partnerships.