LOVE EXPERTS Reveal What It Takes To Find & Keep REAL LOVE | John & Julie Gottman

Contempt Defined

Contempt is a destructive force in relationships, often manifesting as a sense of superiority over one's partner. Julie Schwartz Gottman explains that contempt is akin to criticism but delivered from a higher ground, making the recipient feel inferior and ashamed 1. This emotional abuse can be as damaging as physical abuse, affecting one's self-esteem and emotional well-being. Mark Hyman adds that respect often diminishes in long-term relationships, leading to contempt, which John Gottman describes as a universal issue with no place in love 2.

Contempt truly is emotional abuse. It is abusive, and it can have the same effects as physical abuse in terms of how that person feels about themselves.

--- Julie Schwartz Gottman

Understanding and addressing contempt is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships.

   

Origins

The roots of contempt often trace back to childhood experiences and personal insecurities. Julie Schwartz Gottman notes that individuals exposed to contempt as children may normalize this behavior and replicate it in their relationships 1. Additionally, feelings of inferiority can lead to contemptuous behavior as a defense mechanism to mask one's own insecurities. John Gottman highlights that contempt is a global phenomenon, yet it significantly predicts divorce and even impacts physical health by weakening the immune system 3.

Contempt is something that happens everywhere on the planet, but it has no place in a love relationship.

--- John Gottman

Addressing these origins is vital for preventing contempt from damaging relationships.