334: Hero foods for anxiety & tricks to build self-esteem | Clinical psychologist Nicole Beurkens, Ph.D., CNS

Balancing Feedback

Balancing feedback is crucial for children's emotional and mental development. Nicole Beurkens emphasizes the importance of providing a mix of positive and constructive feedback to children, as it helps them recognize their strengths and areas for improvement 1. She suggests a simple routine, like discussing a "rose and a thorn" at the dinner table, where family members share something positive and a challenge they faced that day. This practice encourages children to focus on both their achievements and areas needing growth, fostering a balanced perspective.

I am an adult, and every day I make mistakes. There are problems.

--- Nicole Beurkens

By modeling this behavior, parents can help children understand that making mistakes is a natural part of life and learning 1.

   

Parenting Grace

Parenting with grace involves accepting imperfections and embracing growth. Nicole Beurkens advises parents to give themselves grace, acknowledging that mistakes are inevitable in the parenting journey 2. She likens parenting to baseball, where a player is considered successful even if they only hit the ball three out of ten times. This analogy highlights the importance of accepting failures as opportunities for growth and learning.

We are human beings raising other human beings, and we're all messy, and so we are going to screw it up actually, more than we get it right.

--- Nicole Beurkens

Understanding the brain's plasticity reassures parents that their efforts contribute to their children's development, even if mistakes occur along the way 2.

   

Managing Uncertainty

Managing uncertainty is key to reducing anxiety and building self-esteem in children. Nicole Beurkens explains that anxiety often stems from uncertainty and a lack of confidence in handling it 3. By focusing on building confidence and belief in their abilities, children can better manage anxiety. Routines play a vital role in providing predictability and a sense of control, which are essential for mental well-being.

Routines ground us and help us feel in control.

--- Nicole Beurkens

Establishing routines and contingency plans can help children navigate uncertainties, making them feel more secure and capable 4.